I have been seeing people I used to know, some of them very good friends, that have been drifting away from God. When I was younger these people used to seem like they had it all together, I was even envious of their spiritual life. But from observing their lives now, clearly, they did not have it all together, they gave up, or missed something important.
Now I know that sounds really harsh, and maybe it is. Just a little. But want to know the the worst part of this story? I sometimes look at these people and feel like I am better then them. I mean, I go to church most Sundays, I help run the sound booth, I do other things at the church.
But the truth is that I'm no better. If anything, I am worse off then these friends of mine. I wear a mask. I play a role in the musical called Church. I know my lines. I know them well.
But when I am not at church I have hidden sins that I indulge. The ones no one sees. The ones that are best kept secret and are easy to keep, at least from most. My sins are worse, at least in my mind. I see mine as less "bad" just because mine just aren't out in the public eye.
From the outside, people think I'm doing well. I'm not. My life is a Christian roller coaster.(See previous post.) It definitely has its ups, and let me be clear, the ups are wonderful and hard work. But I get really low some times. Sure I know how to smile and keep things nice on the outside. But inside I am somewhat of a wreck.
Sorry for the depressed late night post. I really do plan on getting around to writing that post about being content. Eventually.
Here is some homework. Read Psalms 73.
Nolan Out!
P.S. Just to lighten the mood: Why did the cookie go to the hospital? Because he felt crummy.
