I recently have been asked by the current President of the United States of America, Barack Obama, to help him with a problem he's been having; "under the radar," of course. At first I objected due to concerns of publicity, but after being assured that it would be in secret, I agreed. Now this issue which he faced was quite obviously the silliest thing I have ever witnessed. *laughter*. He had this fear, that toilet dwelling vampires would take a nibble from his rear end while taking care of his personal business. I laughed when he told this to me, but out of respect and curiosity, I looked in to it. I took out the tools of my trade and begin the investigation on the president's toilet. There was really nothing significant...except for this odd residue resembling dried blood near the bottom of the toilet, and although this may account for the president's story, in my professional opinion, it is most likely hemorrhoids. So, for those of you reading this, there is nothing to fear about your toilet.. or those dwelling within it.
