Fact: Warlocks hate puppies.
Fact: Warlocks have been known to punch babies and kittens.
Fact: Fear isn't actually something the warlock actively casts at you; it's an aura he projects at all times, a byproduct of his latent anger at society, his parents, the cool kids, Justin Bieber and sun-tans. In fact, the original name of the spell was Surly Suburban Angst.
Fact: Warlock neighbors drive down property value.
Fact: Once upon a time, a warlock could defeat a mage in equal combat. This is true!
Fact: Healthstones make you fat.
Fact: Warlocks are generally inconsistent from the free throw line.
Fact: Voidwalkers aren't so much summoned as they are excreted. By the warlock. After too much Thai food. Pro tip: Never go on a road trip with a warlock.
Fact: It's possible that I'm being unfair to warlocks. It's also possible that I don't care.
Fact: Warlocks summon minions out of social necessity, nobody else cares enough to talk to them.
Fact: Warlocks are quite good at several things:
- Hockey
- Jenga
- I made both of those things up. Warlocks aren't actually good at anything.
Fact: Dogs and little children can sense a warlock's presence.
Fact: The only way to get a warlock to be useful is with 10 pounds of blackmail and a flamethrower.
Fact: In PvP, when that felhound runs toward you, it isn't trying to attack you. It's hoping that you will enslave it so it can stop hanging out with the warlock.
Fact: Warlocks drink their own pee.
Fact: If a Honda Civic with 4 warlocks inside one day drives off a cliff, it is a terrible waste. The Civic can hold 5.
Fact: Don't worry when you encounter a warlock. Just take care of the pet first, because it's the larger threat. The warlock isn't an issue because he's alt-tabbed out to the damage-dealing forums, complaining furiously about mages, hunters, rogues, his father's lack of attention and the quality of his favorite album.
Fact: Warlocks are bad tippers.
Fact: In Zombieland, warlocks were the first to die, since they attempted to set the zombies on fire, resulting in being bitten by FLAMING zombies instead of regular ones.
Fact: As recently as the last expansion, warlock jokes used to be largely about how overpowered they were. Classics like, "My Death Coil is so OP it has no cooldown. Instead, it tells me when I can use it!" Har har. Remember that, warlocks? Good times. These days, the best warlock jokes are the patch notes. Zing!
(90% of "Facts" taken from Christian Belt, editor at WoW.com and my rolemodel for all things anti-warlock)
